capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Randomize
