stop calling my apartment porn island.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
