I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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