I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
