Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
