jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
