So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
