They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
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Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
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This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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