Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
