i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
