3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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