two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
