Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
