I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
