In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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