i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
