he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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