bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
