So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
