Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
