i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
