RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
