Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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