You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Randomize
