I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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