eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
