What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
