I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
