She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
