shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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