Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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