last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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