I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
