And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
