It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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