I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
