So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
