So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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