Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
