i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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