Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
