i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
