I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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