Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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