weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
