if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I can't turn off my feet"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
