I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Can I color on your dick again?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
The Olympian is in my bed
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