Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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