so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
