Got a toothbrush?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I have fence marks all over my body
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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