Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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