chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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