so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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