There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
