I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
