Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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