Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
