why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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