Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
