I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
