i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
