plz talk dirty to me
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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