fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
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I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
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It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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