I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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