i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
