Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
