well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
