Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
