I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
