cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize